Friday, February 12, 2010

Current mood:  intense
Next week, I will be posting a video with a song I wrote, called “Eyes On The Back Of My Head”.  It was written this past fall, after enduring a very difficult year.  It is the first song I have ever written when I was angry……..  So I am out of my comfort zone sharing it!  To me though, being a singer/songwriter is not about being comfortable…..  It’s about a responsibility to share words and visions that flow through me, the best that I can.  So in the next week, it will be shared…..
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The song was inspired by an owl in my backyard that kept watching me through my windows.  It is said by the Indians, that if you continually see an owl, that you are going to be all knowing about your life and others, and will know when anyone or anything is deceiving you.  During this time, I started seeing things in my life that broke my heart……and this song was written.   I’m not angry anymore ….  But through it all I learned the meaning of trusting my self, and now I trust myself, more than anyone else.   There is silver in that lining for sure…..
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Assumptions are made about me, and my positive attitude all the time.  I’m aware that some uninformed people think I have my head in the clouds.  I make the choice to see the silver lining because I refuse to be bitter and angry about the horrors in this life, and spread that kind of energy.  I read a quote that said “Hope means nothing without action”…  So as a Woman, I take action by writing songs about what I see, hopefully allowing others to see those things through my heart.  I have friends that have died, friends that have lost children, battled cancer, lost husbands, and suffered heartbreak.  As a 16 year old girl, I volunteered in the inner city for 2 years and watched 13 year old girls followed by their pimp, children who wore un matching shredded shoes, just to barely cover their feet, and little ones as young as 4 who would come to hang out with me, because they were terrified to be at home.  I got lost in China, and will never forget the horrors I saw.  I personally have a grandfather, and godfather that killed themselves.  I could spend hours listing the horrors I’ve seen, and could spend my life consumed by the sadness.  I refuse to allow this to happen. I won’t allow myself to become bitter, and lose my zest for life….. and I laugh in the face of THAT destructive energy, and hope my songs will make a difference in some way.
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I have this special room in my house filled with vanilla and lavender candles. I go to this room to sit in silence, and clear my thoughts!  Every time I walk by the room, I smell the candles and I get this warm peaceful feeling inside of me.  I can’t explain it, other than it makes me know that I am alive, and well, and ready for what is on my path.  In this room hangs a picture that I painted of some incredible musicians, and when the room is dark, accept for the light of the candles, the picture glows and takes on a 3-D effect, and it is just the coolest thing ever.   I am thankful for this life.  I am thankful I can write songs, and I am thankful that people want to listen……..  for it means my message was received, and hope transcends!!!….
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Attached is the picture I painted of the Owl that kept visiting me.  Hope you enjoy my angry song :0)…..  The picture will be for sale on my ebay store shortly…….  Thanks for stopping by……  Check back next week if you want to hear the song!….

Oh….  and on April 16th, I will be singing at Eddies Attic at benefit for suicide prevention with many other performers!  I know this organization could use your support, so come to the show if you can.  I would love to see you!

Currently listening:
Blacklisted (Original Recording Remastered)
By Neko Case
Release date: 2007-11-06